New "Any'tizers" from Tyson!

First of all, the main reason I'm writing this is, like many of my generation, I assume the world is desperately interested in every facet of my life. So, if you are one of the oddballs who is somehow not intrigued by my daily goings-on, get with the program! Now, on to the topic at hand: A new product from the Tyson Corporation. Tyson is a major chicken...manufacturer? Producer? They raise chickens in vast numbers and then summarily execute them for human consumption. Of course, as an avid carnivore, I have no problem with this. As a matter of fact, I typically insist that small animals suffer for every meal I eat. If I happen to just eat a salad for lunch, I can't help but give dirty looks to squirrels and rabbits and any other creatures I see the rest of the day. Anyhoot, I recently came across an advertisement on the internet for new "Any'tizers" from Tyson. I assume that this word is derived from a combination of the words "appetizers" and "anytime." I think I speak for every single person in America, regardless of race, color, creed or gender, when I say a hearty "Thank you, Tyson Chicken!" It's about time we get some easily accessible and plentiful food in this country. I'm sick and tired of our nations children going for as much as 1.5 to 2 hours without a solid meal! Sure, they have a huge variety of "snacks" available, but do these offerings really do enough to cover the gap of time when we're not purposefully stuffing food down our gaping maws? I think not. At the risk of being labeled an alarmist, I think there is a major risk that children may be experiencing the very first stirrings of slight hunger, with minutes left before the next meal. The sad thing is, up till now, this sort of crises was going unanswered! So thank you, thank you Tyson Chicken, for boldly and courageously stepping up to the plate, at the risk of major profit margins, and providing the answer, in the form of these delightful and delicious "Any'tizers." I certainly hope the American public is sensible enough to rush out en masse right now and buy several dozen bags of these things immediately.